Source: www.deviantart.com
Tall, fair, beautiful… claimed the classified ad and went on to mention that I earned an unnamed sum of Rupees PA. It was the sixth consecutive year I was on the marriage market. Those years in many ways fashioned my views on how I saw myself. This was a good decade back.
I went to college in a small town in southern India. The circles I moved in could be termed conventional. I knew of at least a few women in my class who were sure this was the end of the road for them. Get a degree, get married, have kids and ‘settle’ in life. To pre-empt indignant comments on “What is wrong with that?” let me assure you I do not think it was wrong. It just was so different from what I envisioned for myself. I was borderline scared that my life would follow the predictable path too. There was nothing to make me believe otherwise. Growing up, I was upset I was not ‘chosen’ to go to the best school in town. That honor was reserved for my younger brother. As I took one entrance exam after another with no admits, I knew pursuing Arts or Science was the option for me. Not for my brother though. He would be expected to go to get a professional education.
Done with college, I was neither compelled nor expected to pursue a career for my horoscope was doing its rounds in the family circles. Fuelled by my fear of being home bound, I headed straight to my dad’s boss asking for a job and getting one. With a paycheck came financial security and finally a sense of self worth. As years passed, I met with many men as potential life partners most of whom were more concerned about where I would fit in their life and career patterns than how to meld two lives together. It took over five years and a disastrous match making effort to drill into me that I was worth no lesser than any person I was meeting. I could demand respect and dignity and get it too only if I persevered.
What does this long, rambling build up have to do with Sa? I was born and raised in a middle class family. By all accounts, ours was a progressive family. Yet, in subtle and blatant ways, the diktat of society and the unfair burden of being the girl child fell on me. Be it education, freedom of choice, being subject to ‘bride inspections’ or shouldering the expectations of being the career oriented yet dutiful wife.
While each of these seems to fit in the natural order of things that few of us question, each in itself is a glaring example of why we need these voices to be heard. To drill into our girls, a sense of self worth. To teach self esteem as much as an ability to defend their selves. While the society I grew up in is slowly giving way to one that is more progressive, these issues have not vanished. They are only mutant and thriving. I see it even today in the classified ads. In commercials that objectify women. In pictures of an abused pop star. In antiquated passport forms that ask for father’s or husband’s name. In the protective hand that steers the woman away from sitting next to a stranger who is male.
I am proud and honored to be asked to write for Sa. I hope to draw inspiration from my life and events surrounding me to share with you.
Till I see you next, I want to leave you with these words. Chin up and walk proud for you are a woman.
The Author Lakshmi Giridharan - Blogger, a reluctant chef and programmer. When Laksh is not staring at the monitor developing software, she is hunched over her laptop sharing her life on Musings or typing away recipes for posterity. She believes the glass is always half full and more often than not can be found sporting a big grin.
Welcome to Sa! another strong feminist voice i hear…All the Best Laksh!
Reply
Congratulations on writing here, hope to see more women voice their thoughts. Good Luck.
Reply
That was an awesome start! Congratulations!!
Reply
Nice post.
Reply
Reply