For the past 2 minutes I have been experiencing this excruciating pain in my throat. I am not even sick. Healthy at 27… bit stout… my husband calls me “kathirikkaai[brinjal]” instead of “Poorni”.
Ah… pain is getting worse…Where is my 4 year old son Raju? He could call someone for help. Oh! I saw him playing with his friends. I remember his sweet innocent face which lit up in surprise and joy as I came home early that evening.
For three years now, I have been working as a domestic help in the house come office of a women’s rights activist. With so many visitors turning out, I never run out of work. Madam, as I call her, treats everyone equally. She even asks me to attend the meetings she conducts in English [??!] and participate in the campaigns. I have also gained some popularity in my slum as I can talk some fancy words – equality, discrimination and… women’s rights.
But then, my working hours get longer every day. I don’t even remember the last time I took a day off. It is just that I’m so scared of my madam. She gets really angry…Says she has been working all her life without any rest for women’s cause and I’m being selfish. It is not that she is all bad; my madam once settled a domestic fight between me and my brother regarding inheriting a small piece of my mother’s land. But…I find it difficult to understand. My madam has taught me about rights. She says if my husband scolds me, it is verbal abuse. Then why does she scold me so badly when I ask permission for an hour on a Monday morning or for not speaking in her meetings? I doubt whether what I feel for her is fear rather than respect!
Recently there has been increasing fights between me and my husband. He has lost his job which has made me the sole bread winner. Of what use is it when my son goes to sleep on an empty stomach as I come home late? Still I could never muster up my courage to talk to my madam about this. I know what she’d suggest- A complaint against my husband for indulging in domestic violence. How could I tell her it is she who has been violating my rights more than my husband? I fear her glare more than his foul words!
Wait! I no more feel the pain!
Here comes Raju! Sweetie! Why are you screaming?!
WHAT??? Is that…me?!! How can I see myself? My face distorted… my… wedding saree around my neck… I’m hanging…
Now I remember! Today is my wedding anniversary. We had made plans to spend it happily. But madam refused to give me leave as she had some guests. When I started for work that day, my husband angrily left the house saying he never wants to see me!
Why should I even live? I’m not a good mother or a wife… My husband would take care of Raju better than me! that’s when in a fraction of a second I decided to hang myself… which I eventually..did!
Here comes my madam! With the usual angry expression on her face…with..police!!! Oh No! Why are they arresting my husband?! Who’s now going to take care of my son?
“Officer! He has been torturing Poorni for long. Neighbours said even today morning they had a big fight! He is the one who murdered her! I demand a post-mortem and I assure you…I’ll not sleep until justice is served!”
It now pains like never before…
The Author Lavanya is a post graduate in Electronic Media from Anna University. After being with a gender resource center for over a year she is now working part-time with Tara Books, an independent publisher of picture books for adults and children . She works three days a week happily in this feminist non-hierarchical set-up and splurges on books and movies during her long weekend.
Very sad…we expect too much from domestic workers for a paltry sum.
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